


We're out of time on the highway to never

by oobiemcruby



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Road Trip!, plus dave's shitty song choices!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:15:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5611858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oobiemcruby/pseuds/oobiemcruby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>inspired by the truly terrible (some wonderful, but mostly terrible) songs dave strider would inflict upon several others while trapped in a car with them for hours on end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're out of time on the highway to never

**Author's Note:**

> dearest asbestosfree, I am really really sorry that this is so late, it’s just life got in the way. a lot. I really hope you enjoy reading this, as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> title taken from duke dumont's ocean drive, written for 2015 homestuck secret santa on [tumblr](http://homestuck-secret-santa.tumblr.com/)

> **[QUEEN – BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ) **

  


Looking down at the sandwich, you can tell that John (rule-follower that he is, no matter how much you tell him life is shit all when you follow the rules _all the fucking time_ ) was the one in charge of making lunch today, with its cleanly cut triangles and typical – read: more _boring_ – sandwich fare. Jade tends to strange concoctions like ham and jam whereas Rose makes sickly sweet sandwiches with sprinkles and butter and a literal inch of nutella. You, on the other hand, make sandwiches of the highest quality, with brilliant additions such as crispy-ass chips and Cheetos. Strangely enough, John’s made lunch more often than not, taking charge seven days out of the last fourteen. You guess you need the nutrition John’s sandwiches undoubtedly offer, but shit. You like the weird ass crap everyone else tends to make, it brings some life to the monotony that driving for nine hours inevitably brings, even with four people in the car.

You hum idly to yourself, listen as Rose and Jade work themselves up to the final part of _Bohemian Rhapsody_ – what road trip would be complete without it? that’s right, fucking none – while John fiddles with all the crap you managed to fit into the back of the car with skills you’re sure you’ll all lose as soon as it comes to packing it all back in again.

It’s…nice. Getting dirt in everywhere that has space is not so nice, but the travelling with your three best friends in the world _is_.

Dusting off your jeans, you plan on at least sharing half of the grime you’ve accumulated with John because he needs to get the fuck over himself and enjoy this more.

*******

> **[OUTKAST – ROSES](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWju37TZfo0) **

  


“I put this song on here so I could subtly tell you that you _stink_ , Rose. You oughta get that checked out, like go to the doc – OW, shit, what the hell was that for?”

“Your unfortunate words were polluting the lovely, clean country air we’re currently breathing in. I’m sure you understand my need to shut your mouth up before it spewed some even more unfortunately chosen words and I was forced to take more drastic action.”

“Unfortunate? Why, darling sister I would never say such things for I always speak the truth. And the truth of this matter is – HARLEY, you are dead to me.”

“I’m sure you don’t need that leg, especially with all that bullshit you’re sprouting. I don’t think you’d need to run away from the garbage with that _trash mouth_ of yours.”

“Why Jade, thank you for protecting my honour, I don’t think Strider could possibly have known what had gotten into him with that momentary bout of insanity, comparing my scent to the smell of ‘boo-boo-hoo’, as those masters of the English language so eloquently put it.”

*******

> **[PSYCOSIS – GIGGLE LIKE IT’S HOT (SNOOP DOGG AND PINKIE PIE MASHUP)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEcS1IhU1mk) **

  


Oh, God. You have no idea _why_ Dirk got into your _locked bag_ (you live with assholes, of course you keep your bag under lock and fucking key [also you know why he did it, and that’s because being an asshole is his go-to life setting]) and added his stupid, shitty, _My Little Pony_ song remixes to your poor, innocent playlist to end all playlists, but you are going to end him. And the fucking power button on John’s shitty stereo that has decided now is the time to stop working when you need to terminate that high-pitched laugh before it settles in your skull and kills what little brain cells you’re sure to still have after this expedition into overall terribleness.

“John, stop the car.” You get a scrunched-up scowly face that looks confused to boot. “Don’t fail me now, Egbert. It’s my hour of need. The time of my life where I’m going to play the damsel so well you’ll wonder why I’ve never committed myself so much to something else ever in my life. I’m a fucking perfect damsel, I do the faint so well I make it look like the ground was made to be kissed by my asscheeks.”

Scrunched-up scowly turns to wickedly smiling shit in two seconds flat. 

“Dave, you couldn’t want _that_. You spent, like, a day bitching about how you would never not shit out dirt ever again.”

Luckily you’re able to punch his arm before he reaches the volume control. “Egbert, if you continue to do that, you won’t have an arm to commit high treason with.”

“Really? Pity you hit like a _girl_ then.” You find it funny how quickly he looks into the rearview mirror and into the backseat just to make sure Jade didn’t hear him talk bullshit. You just raise an eyebrow he’ll have a hard time seeing in this shitty light and just wait for Jade’s superhuman hearing to take care of the rest.

*******

> **[NEIL CICIEREGA – MODEST MOUTH](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEmJH7JsKgM) **

  


Why has Jade decided that breaking your neck is the best way to commit your murder? The struggle is real, and you are dead. Dead as a fucking doornail. Deader than the stuffed grandpa Jade keeps in her living room which always looks like it’s following you around with its glass cold eyes. Deader than the dead things you continue to collect to the excitement of no one except you. Deader than –

“DAVE, what the fuck.”

Blinking blearily at Jade you wonder why your glasses have seemed to have disappeared from their required spot on your nose. You squish yourself against the door. If she’s decided punching you is a good idea, you’re escaping. There’s no way you’re dealing with the dead arm for a couple of hours again. You think you’re faster than her anyway. More aerodynamic or something.

“Whatever it is I didn’t do it. Blame Rose.”

Jade squints at you and looks like she’s readying herself for another slapping. No fucking way are you enduring that shit. You didn’t do anything else that would actually require a slap into the next century.

“ _Shrek_ is a bullshit movie and you know it.”

“What’s bullshit is your inability to comprehend the cinematic masterpiece that Mike Myers delivered with his emotionally driven performance of that truly masterful character.” You smirk. That didn’t sound like you had that speech prepared _at all_.

“All that I heard just then was ‘Jade, I don’t know what I’m talking about because I have no idea what a good movie actually _is_ ’.”

“Jade.”

“Dave.”

“Shut up.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to everyone who listened to me while I worried about how this fic was coming out, and for giving me the absolute best (and worst) songs to work with.


End file.
